Just a feeling

YOU CAN DO NICE THINGS FOR PEOPLE ALL THE TIME AND THEY NEVER NOTICE. BUT ONCE YOU MAKE MISTAKE, IT'S NEVER FORGOTTEN

(TYPING words. sharing what you feel. COLD RAINY EVENING.. and so here it goes)

It's easy to Forgive but it's NEVER easy to forget.  It's when you try so hard to forget the bad things but you just can't. It's when you say things are already fixed and that you've already gave forgiveness but can't move on from it. It's when you can't help but going back and and and you don't know what to do.

Sometimes It feels like you are not being fair to the person who did you wrong. It's because every time things go wrong you keep hitting him back with what he did before. It's when you make big issues out of small things. Even explanations won't work. It's when explanations are worthless and meaningless because whatever you hear, still.. you would only believe with what you feel. and whether you like it or not your emotions would decide for you. Isn't that wrong?

You know what? it feels sad. it's like you can't achieve true happiness. You might be happy together but somewhere inside.. it's still there. the pain still stays. and every time you remember the "bad thing" .. it still hurts.. the pain is exactly the same just like before. and you just can't move forward. You can't help shedding a tear.

It's when you wish you can't remember things anymore. It's when you wish you never knew the story. It's when you wish things were the way they were before. BUT IT'S NOT THAT WAY. I guess it may have left permanent scars.

T.T all I'm praying for is to have a PEACE OF MIND

whatever it takes

When I look into your eyes
It's like watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise
There's so much they hold
And just like them old stars
I see that you've come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?


I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up
And when you're needing your space
To do some navigating
I'll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find


'Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it
No, I won't give up


I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make 

Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use
The tools and gifts we got, we got a lot at stake 

And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend
For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn
We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not
And who I am

no I'm not giving up
I am tough, I am loved
we're alive, we are loved
God knows we're worth it and we're worth it

FLASHES of BITTERNESS

hello there!

I just want to check things.. what's up bitch? How are you doing? it's been a while. are you getting enough sleep this past few days? HOW'S you're LIFE? getting better? are you happy? Contented?

I HOPE NOT :)) ../..

how's LIFE? :)

what's with you and your ever loyal boyfriend? staying strong? you look happy together huh? DOES HE ALREADY KNOW what you've done last month? have you shared Stories about your vacation? your stay here? THE people you stay with? the people you hanged out most of the time. and the PEOPLE YOU SLEPT WITH while you're here? hahah! why don't you share it with him.. oh how I wish you get a punch in the face :) doing crappy things behind your boyfriend's back. how Great is that? are you really doing fine? :) just checking :) I'M JUST CONCERNED (sarcastically CONCERNED)

do you know what it feels like being betrayed? I BET NOT :)

I saw you once.. BUT I'LL never forget that so INNOCENT FACE forever :) that BITCH hiding inside an innocent sweet face. hahah. you're such a FAKE!

PS: WHAT GOES AROUND COMES BACK AROUND

INFIDELITY

In many intimate relationships, there is usually an express or implied expectation of exclusivity, especially in sexual matters. Infidelity (colloquially known as cheating) most commonly refers to a breach of the expectation of sexual exclusivity. Infidelity can occur in relation to physical intimacy and/or emotional intimacy. The impact of infidelity is said to be not only about sex outside the relationship, but also about trust, betrayal, lying and disloyalty. --wiki.org

Do you know what really hurts? It's standing the life where you are the one who's suffering from the act the other commited.. and expect that you'll suffer from today and who knows until when..  it's when you close your eyes and you see things you don't want to see, see things that you never thought would happen.. and worse.. YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG.. and yet.. YOU HAVE TO PAY FOR IT. pay for it through sleepless nights and nightmares that you don't want to close your eyes anymore.. pay for it through endless crying every time you try to close your eyes.. though you don't want to.. you know he doesn't deserve the tears.. not even a single tear and yet.. they still fall. why? IT'S BECAUSE YOU HAVE BEEN SHATTERED TO PIECES. damn so unfair. while they enjoy IMMORALITY.. you're the one whose hurt, haunted by the thought.

I HAVE DONE NO WRONG. I WAS FINE BEFORE . I WAS LIVING IN PEACE. WHY DO I HAVE TO PAY FOR IT??  WHY DO I HAVE TO SUFFER?

WHERE THE HELL DID I GO WRONG? after all the kindness, the thoughtfulness, the good things I've done.. what do I get? NOTHING. NOTHING AT ALL. oh wait. I do not expect anything at all.. but do I deserve this? NO! I DO NOT DESERVE THIS! I should have listened before.. BUT I DIDN'T. I should have walked away before.. BUT I DIDN'T. WHY? IT'S BECAUSE.. I have always been convincing myself to stay.. and I have always been trying to believe in you. AND OUT OF STUPIDITY.. I DID!! and what do I get? BETRAYAL. don't you have any shame??


I know this is the start of my Endless nightmares.. and I know I have to live with it day by day.. until it hurts no more.. until I could no longer feel it anymore.. until I forget everything.. until I get used to it..

"I took the chances  Defended, battled and fought .. Cuz I really thought you loved me.

I don't know where to start or where to stop ..No, but I know I am done , I've had enough 

So fall out of my hands Out of my heart  And when you hit the ground..

you'll be sorry i'm not around.. I will watch you While you fall out of your mind Out of your fantasy ..When you hit the wall .. Think of me  ..I'll be on the top just watching you fall 

I kept your feet on the ground My head in the rounds I had you .. You told me you were so greatful 

I was with you .. And I was so faithful. Stood by in all that you said  And all that you did,, I Loved you .. I don't know how to act or what to say..  But I know I am good I'll be okay" 

you do not deserve my kindness..you don't deserve forgiveness. you do not deserve empathy. you do not deserve anything from me at all. You are worthless in my eyes. you don't even deserve to be a part of a memory.. I do not wish you the best in life. I HATE YOU.. I HATE YOU AS A PERSON. I DISGUST YOU. YOU'RE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE I MADE.

strong words huh? but I'll never regret saying it. for your..

IMMORALITY; licentiousness; profligacy; PROMISCUITY 

---I HOPE YOU'LL BURN IN HELL!!!!

Purity

It's been a long time since I last posted. It's just that I was really not inspired enough to blog about things that's happening. or should I say.. it wasn't worth blogging at all?? nah.. well anyway.. the thing is I am back .. ALIVE AND BLOGGING :))

 Lots of crazy things happen this MONTH.  but hey! APRIL would always be my favorite month of the year! So okay. what's with the title?

de·ceived / de·ceiv·ing : to cause to accept as true or valid what is false or invalid 

"LOOKS CAN BE DECEIVING"

 well, today.. I realized that this line here is true. looks can really be deceiving.. 

and I PROVED IT MYSELF.

sometimes.. well I mean.. most of the time.. we misinterpret things other people do/act. pero kung mayron man akong natutunan ngayon.. yun e yung.. HINDI TALAGA NATIN LUBOS NA MAIINTINDIHAN ANG ISANG TAO HANGGA'T HINDI MO NALALAMAN ANG TUNAY NYANG KWENTO. and what about the looks?? hindi nababase sa ichura ng tao ang tunay nyang pagkatao.. let's say.. We think someone is innocent because of the way she looks and the way she acts around you.. pero ganun ba talaga siya ? you can never tell.

well, to be honest.. I heard different stories already that shocked me ! kung sino pa yung mga taong akala mo e walang alam.. yung pa pala ang mga nakakalamang.. if you know what I mean. ako, I must say.. (and like what my college friends always say) PURO SALITA  lang ako pero sa totoo lang.. HANGGANG SALITA LANG TALAGA KO. lezz say.. walang takot kung ano man sasabihin namin.. pero in real life.. hanggang salita lang naman talaga kami.. we all have no experience. as in zero.. kaya I was really shocked to know stories from different people.. I never imagined na nagagawa nila ang mga bagay bagay na yun. NOT THEM. OF ALL PEOPLE. I NEVER IMAGINED IT WOULD BE THEM. and once again.. I'll say.. LOOKS CAN REALLY BE DECEIVING.

and to tell you,. hindi ko alam kung matutuwa ba ko sa mga nalalaman ko or what. let's say.. HALO.. 

Guilt was lessen kasi I learned it was normal.. atleast nalaman kong normal ako *but people .. don't misinterpret this.. hindi dahil sinabi kong may guilt ako.. don't jump in to a conclusion na.. may ginawa ako.. it's not like that.. i really can't explain it clearly.. pero for the record.. wala talaga..*

pero nung nalaman ko yung mga yun.. sabihin na natin na sa iba.. hindi nagbago tingin ko sakanila.. nandun parin yung respeto ko sakanila.. pero merong ilan na..nagbago tingin ko.. masama ba yun? hindi ko din alam.. nalulungkot ako para sakanila.. at the same time., naiinis ako. BUT ATLEAST .. dahil dun.. mas lalo ko silang naiintindihan.. kung ano man sila ngayon.. alam ko ang pinaguugatan.

at dahil dito.. NAGIBA NA ANG TINGIN KO SA MUNDO

19 and stronger

"All the days ordained for me
were written in Your book
before one of them came to be."
(Psalm 139:16b, NIV)

5 minutes ago.. I was staring at the clock and wishing that it would stop right there at that very moment. I was so scared. really scared. I don't know why. Maybe I'm just scared of getting older. Scared of .....

1st emotional birthday ever. The weird thing is.. when the clock strikes 12.. I just felt sad and then I cried. and cried harder when I received calls,text messages,tweets and timeline posts from my dearest friends. I couldn't help but cry. I'm in a roller coaster of emotions here.

but before anything else.. THANK YOU LORD for giving me another year. I feel so blessed and I'm very grateful for everything. thank you for the blessings! thank you for the wonderful FAMILY and friends. thank you for the 19 years and hoping for more years to come. thank you! thank you! words cannot express how thankful I am for everything.. for my LIFE. and I'm sorry If i ever doubted you.

HONESTLY, Right now I'm going through a lot of things and I can't afford to be completely happy, I AM SORRY. I know I should be.. but I just can't. It's not that I'm not happy at all.. I am.. knowing that I am surrounded by the people who loves me.. I am happy. I know you guys can't understand me right now.  its just that Things are just becoming more and more complicated and I can feel the pressure already. but I know GOD has plans for me. He gave me these trials for me to surpass.. for me to learn.. because he knows I CAN DO THIS. and again I THANK HIM. I know everything happens for a reason. Dear Lord.. I KNOW YOU WOULD NEVER ABANDON ME.  LET YOUR WILL BE DONE.

I JUST NEED MORE STRENGTH TO CARRY ON. I know I can. :'( 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ISSA :)) iloveyousomuch.

THANK YOU DEAR FRIENDS :') YOU DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH YOUR GREETING MEANS TO ME :') REALLY. I THANK YOU :')

Just close your eyes
The sun is going down
You'll be alright
No one can hurt you now
Come morning light
You and I'll be safe and sound

 

----wanderlust, VanessaJTL